If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
