hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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