it was like eating out sand paper
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
