It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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