Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
