so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
