Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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