we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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