I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
