good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize