I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
