hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
