Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
