FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
