gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
