I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
