i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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