I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
