I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
