why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
