YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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