I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
