You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
