I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
