We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
