if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
