that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
im on a boat
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