Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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