i barfeds in our rink
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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