I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
