the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
