why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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