He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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