im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
