i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
