I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
