we have pet lesbian snakes
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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