I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
being pregnant is like rehab
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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