oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
