We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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