I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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