This is not my ceiling
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
