She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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