Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
