why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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