i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
