Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
