JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
