If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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