It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
