then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
