i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
