Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
