I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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