i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
