what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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