My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
