I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
