you would pick up someone in the library
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
