I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
