Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
