just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
