Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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