I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
