I want to make a zoo with you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
