You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dick very happy bro
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
