I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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