In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize