so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
