Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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