its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
