You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
