I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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